Finding Your New Normal

It's been almost six months since I began my journey, and I wanted to take the time to give my readers an update! It hasn't been easy, but it has been rewarding in a lot of ways. The journey God is taking me on has been a learning experience. I've learned about myself and a lot about other people.

I want to say thank you to those, who have taken time out of their lives to read my blog, and I truly hope it has blessed you in some way. I originally started this because I wanted to "journal" this journey, so I could see my progress and not get discouraged. However, it quickly turned into my sort of "ongoing testimony!" A testimony that I am ecstatic to share with you all, because God is just so amazing and if you will let Him, He can transform your life into something AMAZING!

I also want to thank my husband and my girls for being such an INCREDIBLE help to me! They have been here for me through thick and thin never complaining! It brings me great joy to know that I am blessed with such awesome people in my life.


Thank you to my AWESOME  family and friends as well! I won't say names, but you know who you are! The ones that called me or sent me an encouraging text, came to visit or help me out with the girls when I needed, and the ones who even spent all day on chat with me making me laugh when I was having a bad day! You guys are awesome, and you will never know just how much you mean to me!

I'm in a good place and I am excited for the next six months!

For months all I could say or think, was God I just want to be "normal" again! And I meant it!

I wanted to be able to eat like normal people. I wanted to be able to walk without using a cane! I wanted to wake up and not feel nauseous! I wanted to be able to go places without having a vomit bag tucked away in my purse along with various medications! I wanted to rewind my life back to January of this year! A time when I felt the most happiest I had ever been in my life. Free of fear of the future, but ready to live my life and accomplish all my goals!

I was viewing this entire ordeal through my own self pity. I had a serious case of, "woe is me'" syndrome.

But now I have to look at my life right now for exactly what it is...my new normal! You are probably wondering, why would you say all you are going through is your "new normal?" Well, because it is!

This is my journey. I am on this path for a reason. I strongly believe that God is using this time in my life to teach me something valuable. I don't have to know what that lesson is now, I just have to trust that the God I serve never puts more on me than I can bare!

Everyday my faith grows a little bit stronger. Yes, I can't eat like "normal" people. Yes, I walk with a cane. Yes, I'm sick and in pain nearly everyday. But is that who I am? Is this my life? NO!

You see, I know that at the end of this journey, I am going to look back and I am going scream and shout to the highest mountains of the healing that God is going to give me! That's awesome to me!

Last year around this time, I would have succumbed to my ailments and given up! My faith was nowhere near where it is today! And that is my "new normal!"

That's my whole point! You have to change your attitude and your mindset. My mind is sort of like my kryptonite! I can imagine the most horrific things and allow it to completely take over my life and the quality of it. However, I know that's what the enemy wants. As soon as he sees he has a little bit of wiggle room in your life, he pounces!

Now, I focus on the blessings that I have and the ones that are to come. Colossians 3:2 says, "Set your mind on things above, not on the things of earth."  Philippians 4:8 says, "And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

I have to admit, it's not always easy, but when you meditate (not just read) on the Word of God, it begins to sink into your inner being. The Holy Spirit begins to quicken it to you in your most vulnerable times. At times, when I am in pain, I sometimes will begin to feel sorry for myself, and the Holy Spirit will remind me to not focus on myself but to focus on true and lovely things. Pure things. Righteous things. When I take the focus off of myself and my issue, I focus on someone else, like my children or my husband, or friends. Or,  I will reach out to someone I know who is going through something far worse. When we focus on love and trying to extend that love to others, the enemy loses.

So, to those of you who are struggling and are wishing and hoping to be "normal" again one day. Try to focus on the positive things in your life. I've read somewhere, "If you woke up this morning, God still has a purpose for you." Believe in that. If you don't know what that purpose is, get on your knees and ask him to reveal it to you. He will!!

I started this journey with the intention of making over my mind, body and spirit, and I fully intend to continue on this journey and allowing God to direct every order of my steps.

My mind and my spirit is definitely evolving and my body...well it's definitely changing as well! LOL!

My body makeover, has been a difficult one. When I first began this process, I was all in! I was eating right, working out EVERY day and was seeing results!! However, since then I have had a "setback." However, in an earlier blog I wrote that, "every setback is a setup for a comeback." And I firmly believe that.

Today was my weigh-in, and I have lost 45.6 pounds! (I promise I will post some pictures soon!) I am not entirely happy with the way some of the weight came off. However, I am thankful for every pound that I have lost. And most of all, I reached my goal of losing 40 pounds by the end of August!

I've set a new goal for the next three and half months and I fully expect to meet it! Although, I have been down for a while, and have very little strength, I am determined to keep going. I've started back doing small workouts when I can. If I can't get up, I work my legs and arms while lying in bed. I may not be able to work my abs like I would like yet, but just doing my legs and arms helps me to take back control of my body!

We all get knocked down, but I'm not going to stay down! I want to be free of every affliction that the enemy is trying to knock me down with. No weapon right!!!!!

So although it's been a slow road, I will continue to crawl, limp, waddle, walk and one day soon RUN it!!!

I struggle...you will struggle, but that's life! So what if you fall down...get up and keep going! And if you can't get up right away, call on God and He will carry you!!

Until next time, be blessed!!! :)

The Battle Is Not Ours

Over the past two months, I know some of you have wondered where I have been. I would like to take the time to apologize first for my absence. I unfortunately had a "dark" period and I just did not feel like I could write and tell people to keep pushing forward, when I myself did not even have it in me to push forward. I will admit, my faith wavered a lot in these past few months.

When I first started my blog, I said I would always be open and honest, because I felt by allowing myself to be transparent in my journey both good and bad, I would be pleasing God, because my trials and tests could be the key to triumphs and testimonies for others.

Lately, there have been so many stories both in and out of the media of depression and suicide. The enemy is really busy people. He really does want to steal every ounce of joy that we have. I believe the reason he is so successful is because depression is a disease that people often suffer through alone and ashamed until it gets to a point where they feel the only way out is to remove themselves from this world. I want to take the time to let you know that it's OK and that you don't have to suffer alone. None of us do.

Well what do you know about it, some of you may be thinking. I've been there and I know it's a struggle. Everyday is a struggle, but you don't have to succumb to the struggle, you can come out on top! We all can!

I have battled depression and suicidal thoughts for many years. There was a time when I felt that I had finally conquered it, but when you allow yourself to become vulnerable to the tricks of the enemy, it does make it easier to fall back into the same traps.

In 1998, when I was 18 years old, I was a victim to sexual assault that left me hurt, confused, and also pregnant. I had moved out with my sister because I wanted to do what I wanted to do, and when I wanted to do it, without anyone telling me what to do. It was the most horrific experience I have ever had in my life. I kept it from many people for years because I was so ashamed. I felt it was my fault and I brought it on myself. I didn't know who to turn to. I didn't want the baby. I was afraid that I would never be able to love him/her the way they would deserve. Abortion was my first thought, but all I could think about was how upset everyone would be with me if they ever found out and how it was against everything I was brought up to believe. But I also knew I didn't want to continue with the pregnancy. However, a few days later after finding out I was pregnant, I had a miscarriage. I blamed myself for the loss of that child. I felt that I had caused the miscarriage because I wished for it. It was the most difficult time of my life, and I was dealing with it all alone. About a month later, I moved back home with my dad. I was severely depressed and I knew it. Instead of dealing with it, I dropped out of college and went to work, never dealing with any of the emotions and pain that built up. I did, however, begin to alienate myself from friends. The romantic relationship I was in ended because I could not tell anyone what happened.

Eventually, I met and married my husband and we had a daughter. After giving birth to my daughter, I suffered from postpartum depression. I often thought of ending my life and ending her life because I felt I would be sparing her from the turmoil that was this life. My husband and I decided that I wouldn't go back to work, so my life soon revolved around my daughter and my husband. Everyday for me was a struggle to get up, to take care of my responsibilities. It was a struggle just to be me.

For five long years, I lived in constant fear. Fear of everything. I became a professional at fake smiling. I spent as much time around family as I could, because I was afraid to be alone with my thoughts. When my daughter started school in 2009, I was left alone daily. It was then, that the enemy pounced. One night, I finally lost it. I'm not sure what exactly pushed me over the edge, but I do remember it being very minor but in my mind it was huge! It was a Wednesday night and I just began to cry hysterically. I begged my husband to have me committed because I was crazy and I could not continue on in life. I remember him just holding me not really knowing what to do or say. He finally called my dad, who happened to be at Wednesday night service. He got on the phone and both he and the congregation began to pray for me. For the first time in ten years, I began to feel relief. I felt the weight that had bared down on me for so many years began to lighten. I was able to finally face my past. I began to read my Bible more and pray. I began to develop a relationship with Christ like I had never had before. I was able to forgive those in my past who hurt me and even though I may never be able to face my assailant, I was even able to forgive him. That I consider the biggest breakthrough I have had in my life's journey.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:8-9
Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Unfortunately, that was not the end of my struggle. In 2011, I gave birth to my second child and I couldn't be happier. I spent the next two years, involved in church, strengthening my marriage, and even did some rape crisis volunteering that was very rewarding. I was basically enjoying life again. However, somewhere along the way, I got so busy with everyday life that my spiritual life began to get neglected.

Of course, we know when you are not recharging your spirit daily, it makes you weak in battle. The enemy knew my weakness and he began to work at using it against me once again.

I began this journey in March of this year and it has certainly been anything but smooth. However, focusing on The Word and staying faithful helped me to stay sane. However, at the end of June, I began to lose hope. I felt alone. Like no one could truly understand what I was going through. I felt like I was a burden on my husband and children. On several occasions, my husband would find me crying in both physical and mental pain. I contemplated taking my own life. Not just to rid myself of the misery I was in, but to also rid my family of the misery I was putting them in. In my mind, I truly felt like I would be doing them a favor if I were no longer here.

Although, I felt down and ready to give up, because that foundation was there, I was able to call on the ultimate Savior, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!

You know life is so full of ups and downs, and when you embark on a new journey that is normally out of your comfort zone, you are bound to face more downs than ups. We are all human, and we all have struggles at some point in life. I sometimes feel like mine should be fewer because my life has become available to the public by way of my blog. I feel that if I am trying to give others advice on pushing forward to your purpose, I should have it all together. Right? Wrong.

I am human. I have struggles that are really real. I wrote this particular blog because the subject of depression and suicide has come up so much lately in my life. I lost a family member to suicide this past December, and it definitely had a profound affect on the way I handled my "downs" this past two months. I love my family, I love my life, and I am learning that it doesn't always have to be perfect. I learned a lot about the people I surround myself with. I have to be around people who are positive. People who are going to encourage me and not make me feel bad because I miss a few events or who don't try to understand my situation. Those types of people only added to my depression, and it's not their fault, I allowed it. But I have learned that's it's OK to walk away from these people. The more I surround myself with positive and Godly people the more I began to be pulled from the darkness that had become my thinking and my everyday life.

It's so awesome that we can all serve a God that will never leave or forsake us. During my darkest moments, the Holy Spirit never left my side. It was the Holy Spirit that helped me to see that my problems were not as big as my God. I really took comfort in that, and I still do today. It's not easy, I still suffer nearly everyday with pain and discomfort, but with each new day, I learn to be thankful for the things that are great in my life. I have a husband and children who love me so much. I have a Christian support system that I know pray for me on a daily basis and check in with me often. And most of all, I have a God that is bigger than any problem(s) I may face now or in the future.

My sister recently told me the story of the three men in the furnace. She reminded me that the enemy can and will fashion weapons to use against you. However, we have to believe what the Word tells us, "no weapon formed against us shall prosper." The three men in the furnace remembered this and were able to come out of the furnace unscathed. It brings me great joy that the same God who covered them in the furnace is the same God that I serve!

So no matter what you are facing in life, know that you are not alone. Ending your life is never the answer. There is help. If you need to see someone, I encourage it. I also, however, encourage you to seek Christian counseling as well. A secular counselor can aide in what is broken physically, but you also have to fix what is broken spiritually in order to see real growth.

I am learning, life is a series of "ups", but you have to come down to bounce back higher.

So don't look at your situation as the end...change your perspective. It's a chance. If you woke up this morning, it's God's way of showing you, that your journey is not over. So trust in the journey He has set before you. We don't always know where it may end, but we do know He only has the best in store for His children!

If you are suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts, please feel free to email me or comment and I will be praying for you. You are not alone.

I thank you for reading and be blessed.

:) Audry

"Who gon' check me boo?!"

I must say, it feels so nice to be writing again! It has been almost a month, and I am truly sorry to my regular readers! I have actually been I guess you can say, "out of commission" so to speak!

But I am so happy to be feeling good and I am back at it!!!!! This past month has actually been a growing experience that was definitely needed!

So here is the question, how many of you have ever been "checked"? Probably a good number of you!

Now, how many of you have ever been "checked" by God?!

Well, let me tell you, being checked by God feels quite different than being checked by some regular person!!!

This past month has been a HUGE struggle for me, both spiritually and physically. If you are a regular reader, you know how hard this journey has been. The ups and the downs has certainly taken it's toll on me at times.

After my 3 year old's birthday party at the end of April, I began to feel sick. On April 28th, I was once again in the ER. I was having severe abdominal pain and was a little dehydrated. I was given fluids and some pain medicine and sent on my way. Over the next few weeks, the pain gradually got worse, and I was unable to eat solid foods. Everything I ate came back. I soon was only eating mashed potatoes and apple juice. It was the only food I could tolerate. I was basically eating only once a day. The pain was unbearable! The only way I can describe it, is it was a feeling of feeling full ALL THE TIME!!!!

However, I recognized this feeling. Eight years ago, I was diagnosed with having Gastroparesis, or "lazy stomach". What that means is, my stomach does not contract as it should. So when I eat, the food sits in the stomach and it eventually rots. And rather than pushing it into the intestines for digestion, it sits along with acid and bile. The more I eat, the more it fills up. And what happens when something is filled to the brim...well it overflows!!! So began the constant vomiting and pain!! So needless to say, I was miserable!!!!!!

Worrying is pointless. God's got this!

In the past, I was treated with a drug called, Reglan (or Metoclopramide). Unfortunately, this particular drug is a "black box" drug, meaning it comes with permanent side effects. After taking this drug in the past, it increased my prolactin levels causing a tumor on my pituitary gland that I still live with today. So the next step, after over a month, I finally was able to get in to see my GI doctor. He scheduled an endoscopy. After a few days, he confirmed that my gastroparesis had come out of remission due to giving birth to my second child. Unfortunately, it had also caused some ulcers and chronic Gastritis and Esophagitis. He informed us that he didn't feel that going back on the Reglan would be a good idea, so he wanted to try another drug. This drug is only available in Mexico and Canada and is not approved in the United States, but works well, and had minimal side effects. So my husband and I searched the internet and finally found a pharmacy that carried the drug. Unfortunately, they required a signed document from the prescribing doctor stating my need for the drug. So we send the doctor the form only to find out he is on vacation for a week!!! I was beside myself, because in addition to the severe pain I was in daily, I was at the point where I could no longer hold down mashed potatoes and my blood sugars were high because of the slow rate of digestion. So for days as I was going through the pain and vomiting, all I could say, was, "I can't wait to get my medicine so I can feel better." I would cry everyday, because of the pain and no one could understand what I was going through! I had given up!

BUT GOD!!!!!!
Don't you just love those "But God" moments in life!?

You see the entire time I was sick, I was not praying daily as I had always done. I had come to believe the lies of the enemy. This was my life. I was gonna remain sick and just accept it. I was losing weight so fast and I began to worry about my health due to all the vomiting. When the doctor told me about the medicine in Canada, it became my focus! All I could think about was I want this drug...I NEED this drug!!!! So one day I was talking to my mom, and I was crying, because I was just in pain and frustrated. She said to me, "Audry, why are you stressing about this medicine. You need to be trusting in God for your healing." I heard her, but between her and my husband telling me to trust God for healing, I just couldn't bare to hear that anymore. I had given up on me being healed. I had forgotten the promises He had made to me.

Two days later, I was sitting in my regular spot on my couch with my girls watching TV, and my phone rang. It was my doctor. I was so happy to hear his voice, my first thought was I am finally getting my medicine! At this point, I hadn't eaten in a day and a half, and I was feeling so weak. I was ready for some relief! He began to go over what his nurse had already told me about my condition. Then he dropped a bombshell! Unfortunately, the new drug that I had been waiting to "cure" me for the last two weeks was no longer an option for me! This new drug (Domperidone) raises prolactin levels and because of my pituitary issue, it would not be safe for me to take. I tried to maintain my composure, because clearly this was NOT the news I was wanting to hear! I began to ask him questions about what I could do. I told him I could not keep anything down. How was I supposed to live, if I couldn't eat. My blood sugars were out of control which is a danger in itself! He offered me no suggestions besides an experimental procedure that was only done outside of the U.S.!!! Are you kidding me!?! I'm not made of money!!!! Needless to say, we got off the phone with him saying he will reach out to his colleagues to see if any specialized in my condition and had any suggestions. Big help!!! I hung up and I immediately burst into tears! My girls surrounded me to comfort me and tell me it was gonna be okay. My older daughter told me, "It's OK Mommy, remember, "By His stripes we are healed" and you are gonna be." I told her thanks, but I continued to cry hysterically. I was hoping for this medication, it was all I could think about for the past few weeks, and now I can't have it! I called my husband, and told him the situation. He tried to comfort me, but I was inconsolable. My husband placed me on hold and while on hold, a voice spoke to me. Now I don't know if you have ever heard the voice of God...but this was like a jerk...almost as if someone grabbed me and shook me!!!

Then I heard, "Audry, why do you continue to put your faith and trust in medicine and man? Man will always fail you, but do you not know, I NEVER will? Focus on Me..trust in Me!"

Man, talk about being "checked"!

Immediately the tears just stopped! I was done with the worrying! Done with the doubt!

I began to pray and thank God!

I told my husband and my girls what God had spoken to me and that from that point on, I would no longer be a "victim". I am going to no longer put my trust in man and medicine, but I was going to trust in Him for my healing. Man had failed me, but my God will not!!!

That night, I ate a very small amount of chicken and potatoes and it stayed down!!!! The next day I began to eat a little more and no vomiting!!!! For three days I was able to eat very small with no problems!! On day four, I had a set back. My parents had come into town and the night before, I ate a little later than usual because we were grilling for the following day. So that Sunday, was a tough day. I began to get a little discouraged and succumb to the feelings of nausea and vomiting. But God had sent a little reminder in the form of my sister's mother-in-law that I was already healed! We had an AWESOME prayer time, and I was again enveloped in the presence of God and I felt His overwhelming feeling of love for me!! From that point on, I have been gradually eating more and slowly regaining my strength. I do have bad days at times, but I simply just turn to God and keep pressing forward!

We are always going to face hard times in life. Sometimes, you may even feel alone or want to give up, but that's when you pray harder and get in your word more. Don't give up on God, because trust me He will NEVER give up on us!

So no matter how hard it gets, keep keeping on and trusting and believing in God for whatever it is you are asking for! He loves you and He wants us to be happy and full of joy, it's up to us if we accept it!!!

I am so thankful that God came in "checked" me that day! The enemy is always busy, and he wants to do whatever he can do to distract me from my purpose that God has set before me. But today I declare he WILL NOT WIN!!!!

Until next week, be blessed!!!!

I Want Some of That God Medicine

I swear I am always amused at how God works!

Yesterday, I was thinking to myself...what in the world am I going to write about this week (I know I know..I say that every week)! Seriously though, I was to a point that I wasn't going to write at all! I mean I absolutely had no clue! I have been feeling better (although still on an all mashed potatoes diet with a little vomiting everyday), but when I saw this little cartoon on a friend's Facebook page, it was like a message from God himself!

Don't you just love when He does that!!!???

So as you already know by now, I have been coming to terms with the fact that I am diabetic and I have high blood pressure and cholesterol. I have been working very hard (working out and eating better) to lower all of those numbers, but mostly, I have been praying for a healing that God would align my body to function once again as He intended it to work. (Ephesians 4:16)

Did you know that the Word has directions for our cure?

That is just so awesome to me!

As I grow and study more, I become more and more aware of the blueprint for my life that has been sitting in my home for so many years!

But let's not dwell in the past!

I am so happy that now I know it's there, and whenever I am lost or discouraged or just have a "God craving" it's there and I can refer to it!

So now, I refer to it daily and the revelations that God has revealed to me, is just AWESOME!

Once we get in our Word and truly allow it to begin to penetrate within us, then you will begin to realize that His Word gives life and healing to our bodies!

Oh what a wonderful revelation!

In order for His word to fully penetrate us, we have to learn to pay careful attention to what God's Word and Holy Spirit is telling us. How do we do that? We have to be diligent. Continue to seek Him daily! Not just when times are bad, but all times. Make a commitment to commune with Him on a daily basis. We have to learn to put Him first in our lives!

We also have to listen to his words. His Word tells us that, "my sheep will know my voice." (John 10:27) So we first have to become His sheep. How do we become His sheep? Well that is very very simple, we must confess with our mouths and believe in our hearts that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior. By doing this, you will become saved! (Romans 10:9)

Once we are saved and we get into God's wonderful word, remember not to lose sight of what it says! That's the key! So often we get distracted and the enemy pounces and makes us feel like we are alone in this race! But we just have to remember that God's "prescription" is way more powerful than any other force! (Isaiah 54:17)

Now because we know that God does not fail and His word is true and does not return void (Isaiah 55:11), when we don't receive our healing, the problem must lie somewhere else. So we must stand firm in our faith. We have to believe that not only are our prayers heard, but that they are also being answered.

I read this once and I copied it into my phone, so that whenever I felt the enemy try and make me doubt my deliverance and healing, I could repeat it aloud!

So if you are going through a period of doubt, just read this aloud and meditate on it:

"By His stripes I am healed! My God meets all my needs according to His riches in glory! I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. I overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony! Great is the peace of my children!"

I also refer to this quite often. I got this from a Kenneth Copeland devotional and I love it:

"I am a new creature in Christ Jesus. I am born of God. I am filled with the Holy Spirit who proceeds from the Father. I am endowed with the Name of Jesus, which is "far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is names, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come'" (Ephesians 1:21) "Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world." (1 John 4:4). "Leave my presence in Jesus' Name!" (James 4:7)

I also keep this prayer handy:

"Our Loving Heavenly Father, 

I have been so worried about this situation. I see no solution...no way out. But I realize that I don't have to see the answer. I need to trust you to work this out in your way and in your time. Please Father, help me to continue to put all my trust in you and be patient in this situation.

In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen."

So stay encouraged on your journey to healing. Know that when you are in the bosom of Christ Jesus, you are never alone. He is only a prayer and a scripture away. 

My suggestion, find as many encouraging scriptures as you can in the Bible. Write or type them and keep them with you at all times. So when things get tough, you have your "medicine" and you can overcome those "symptoms". 

To get you started, here are a few that I refer to, feel free to copy and paste them and print them out for yourself! 

"A merry heart does good like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones." Proverbs 17:22

"And the Lord will take away all your sickness, and will afflict with none of the terrible diseases of Egypt which you have known, but will lay them on all those who hate you." Deuteronomy 7:15

"Oh Lord, my God, I cried out to you, and you healed me." Psalms 30:2

"Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all." Psalms 34:19

"Is any among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven." James 5:14-15

"Confess your faults one to another, and pray for one another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avail much." James 5:16

"My son, give attention to my words, incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them depart from your eyes, keep them in the midst of your heart. For they are life to those who find them, and health to all their flesh." Proverbs 4:20-22

"Those who live in the Most High will find rest in shadow of the Almighty." Psalms 91:1

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

These are just a few scriptures that I like to refer to, but I assure you there are many many more!!

Just remember, we receive God's healing through our faith. We shouldn't require from Him a "sign" to believe in His powers of healing. He wants us to receive his healing through our faith! 1 Timothy 6:12) In order to remain faithful, we have to let go of doubt and unbelief. (Matthew 21:21)

 Faith is a fight and we have to have confidence in God's Word and "fight the good fight of faith!" (

So just remember, we have to be diligent in taking our healing prescription daily and often until we receive our cure!

Until next week...be blessed!

Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired

This past week has been rough, twice in one week I was in the ER, sick, vomiting with severe stomach pains! In the midst of all the pain, the enemy, ever busy, was really tormenting me! I admit, I was ready to give up! I haven't worked out in a week due to sickness, and the feeling of giving up was at an all time high!

I had allowed my diabetes to define who I was. My afflictions became my everyday focus. I awoke in the mornings and my first thought was on how crappy I felt. Soon my entire day consisted of how sick I was. I had allowed the enemy to come in and take my joy, my peace, my sound mind! But we know the Bible tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7, "God hasn't given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind."

This past Sunday, I woke with every intention of going to church to hear my long time pastor preach what may be his final message. I was feeling very nauseous and my first instinct was to stay home and have someone record the message for me. The Holy Spirit had other plans however. Fighting against my body, I pushed and I went to church.

By far that was the best decision I had made in a very long time!

During service, in fact right before my pastor started to speak, I had to excuse myself, because I felt sick. My sister came in and began to care for me. This was about the fifth time that day that I had thrown up! The pain in my stomach was becoming unbearable. She suggested to my husband that I go to the ER (she is a nurse). As I tried to calm myself, she began to pray for me. She began to pray for deliverance of all my afflictions, from fear, from worry, from doubt, from anxiety, from diabetes, from high blood pressure and cholesterol. Soon the Holy Spirit came in and took over.

Now, I have felt the Holy Spirit before and I have been baptized in the Holy Spirit (to some known as speaking in tongues), but this was different. My body began to shake and not from the sickness, I could not control it! I felt a stirring in my stomach that I have never felt before! Now in keeping with my transparency, I was actually sitting on the toilet because like I said, I was EXTREMELY sick, but if I had not been, I probably would have been running around the church! LOL!

Let me just take a minute once again to tell you just how evil and slick the devil can be! As I was praying and the Holy Spirit was moving, he still was trying to get a foothold in my deliverance! I could hear him telling me, "You aren't healed, tomorrow is a new day and the same afflictions and fear will be there. You are not worth healing. God is not healing you. You are not delivered." OK, now this just made me so ANGRY!!! I began to yell...and I am not exaggerating.."YOU ARE A LIAR!!!!" Over and over again!!! Soon the entire congregation was in prayer and God really began to move!

Something happened in that tiny bathroom of Home Church, God delivered me! I left church feeling weak, but encouraged! I did end up going to the ER to get some fluids and stronger nausea medication. However, on Monday morning, I woke up feeling better than I have felt in a long time!

I had what some call an epiphany...

I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED!!!

In that moment, I said a prayer asking God to forgive me for all the times I allowed the enemy to reign in my mind and spirit! I thanked Him for delivering me, for changing my mind set, for truly setting me free from the bondage of my afflictions! No longer will I allow the enemy to get the best of me! You know what I realized, God has a calling in my life, and the enemy DOES NOT want me to succeed on this journey! I've known this for a while, but for some reason this has finally taken root within my spirit!

So from this point on, I choose not to be a victim but a victor! I choose to turn this test in my life into a testimony!

We are all faced with trials in our lives, but the Word tells us in 1 Corinthians 10:13 in so many words that God knows our limits and He will not let us endure more than we can handle. Isn't that awesome news?! And given what we know about God's Word and it does not return void, we know we can trust in His words!

So whatever obstacles you may face, whether it be physically, mentally, or even spiritually, all you have to do is choose to be sick and tired of your situation and allow God to come in deliver you!

Why hasn't He yet? Matthew 7:7 says, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you shall find; knock and the door shall be open to you." So what does that tell you? All you have to do is connect with the Father and ask Him for deliverance. Ask Him for strength to endure on your personal journey.

Going forward, I can no longer allow my afflictions to affect to daily life. I will learn to deal with the diabetes, I will be victorious!

Remember whatever you are going through, you don't have to go through it alone! You just have to make the decision to be sick and tired and call on God and He will see you through! I read a quote today that said, "When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off, you sit still and trust the engineer." So who is the "engineer" of your life? Mine was fear, today it is Christ Jesus my Lord and my Savior in Him I put all my trust!

Until next week...be blessed!

The Benefits of Having Support!

As I sat down in front of my computer today, I was at a loss.

What in the world am I going to write about today?? This week has been tough, I have been sick and on bed rest and I really just wanted to feel sorry for myself.

So I said a prayer and it came to me!

I am almost two months in and I have had some serious ups and downs, as most of you who have followed me from the beginning already know, but I have not been alone! I have had AMAZING supporters! This week has shown me just who those people are!

So I wanted to take the time to mention just how important it is to have support! I have thankfully been blessed with an amazing support system!

Now first and foremost, I have God! It is He, who gives me strength from day to day. It is also He who has sent people in my life who have become friends and family!

So I just want to take the time to thank those who have supported me on this journey thus far!

Before I get into that, I just wanted to talk about the importance of having people in your life to lend you support, especially those who can lend spiritual support by praying for and with you. Those who will hold you accountable when your faith begins to waiver (and it does happen)!

There is something to be said about having people in your life who have no other agenda but to love you and uplift you when you are down! Honest relationships...covenant relationships that the Bible speaks of! I prefer quality over quantity for sure!
How awesome is it when that new friend becomes a good friend, then a best friend, then family! Those are the kind of friendships I value and pray for!

Relationships that go beyond the surface is what a I value most! I can appreciate "surface" relationships for what they are, but I am at a point in my life where "surface" just isn't enough for me anymore.

My weight has always kept me from building relationships with people. My self-esteem was always so low that I never felt pretty enough or good enough to be around people who were smaller than me or those I thought were pretty. Silly right? It's so funny...reading that I realize how silly that sounds...but you see how the enemy will lie and trick you to keep you alone!? Man, he really just gets on my nerves!!! LOL!

I don't want to be that person anymore! Now don't get me wrong, I don't have to have an enormous amount of friends, but having a few that really understand me and encourage me is nice! So I began to pray for "covenant" relationships...and when I say God has delivered....HE HAS DELIVERED!!!!

So with that being said, I want to acknowledge those in my life who have really impacted my life in some way and have been a great support!

To respect their privacy, I won't use any names, but they will know who they are!

First and foremost, I have to say my biggest support is my wonderful hubby!!!! I am so very blessed to have him in my life!!!! He is my rock!!! We've had our ups and downs, but this man has ALWAYS supported me in whatever I wanted to do!!! During this journey, he has been so loving and supportive!!! On those days, when I felt I could not go on, he was there praying and loving on me! He is a wonderful man of God and I love and thank you for all of your love and your support!

My children have been AWESOME as well! They have seen me go through good and bad and they have been there every step of the way! They keep me encouraged and they always know how to make me smile when I am sad! I have wonderful children (all 4 of them) and I love them with all my heart and I thank you guys for your silly jokes, for helping out when I was sick, and for keeping me encouraged!

To may best friend for 20+ years...you have been SUPER awesome! I appreciate all the reminder texts and Facebook messages reminding me to work out! The encouraging words and the motivation you have given since I began on this journey has been invaluable! You are truly an AMAZING friend and I love you dearly!!!

To my parents, I didn't always appreciate having a dad who is a minister, but I am so thankful now! We haven't always been close, but over the past few years, our relationship has grown and you have become a very important man in my life! I thank you for your prayers and encouragement and even your compliments!!! To my moms, you guys have been great! I appreciate our relationships more than you know! You both have been there for me to listen, to pray, to encourage and I am so thankful for you both!

To my prayer couple, I so appreciate all of your prayers...all of your encouragement! I always find it amazing when God sends someone in your life who has not only been through some of the same things as you have but has overcome it!! What a blessing! It is truly a testimony to how much God loves us!! The early morning prayers and words of encouragement I will never forget!

To my newest friend, and you know who you are, I so appreciate everything you have done for me in such a short period of time. You came into my life at a time when the enemy was really trying to defeat me and without even knowing it, you gave me the courage and strength, by allowing the Holy Spirit to speak through you, to keep going! You were there when I was sick and really had no one to help, and I am forever thankful!!

To my best friend, and my sister in life and Christ, I love you so much! You have been such an inspiration to me! When I lost my way, it was your light that shone through you that helped me find my way back! Your walk has been encouraging to me. I can call you at anytime and you drop everything to pray or read the Word with me. I am so thankful for you and I am excited to see all that God has planned for you!

To those who take the time to read my blog each week....thank you! Whether you know it or not, you keep me motivated! I do this not only for me and my family, but I do this to encourage others. If I have helped encourage at least one person, since I began this blog, then I have done what God called me to do. To those who have commented, text, emailed, called, Facebook IM'd, or Instagrammed...thank you! Your words of encouragement do not go unnoticed. I truly appreciate your advice, motivation, love, support and prayers!

I feel extremely blessed that I have such an awesome support system and I am thankful to God for everyone He has put in my life.

I had a bit of a setback this week, but the support I have received have helped to keep going! I'm not back on my feet yet, but your texts and emails have been inspiring. The enemy wants me to give up...and that only motivates me to keep going!

So keep me in your prayers and always remember the struggle you are in today, is developing the strength you will need for tomorrow!

Be blessed!

Count it All Joy!

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." James 1: 2-3

Hello my friends! I feel like it has been forever since I've written! 

I did post a new page to my blog last week, however, it wasn't an actual blog entry. I covered some of my favorite apps, so be sure to check it out!

So in my last blogged, I promised to give an update of my progress of my first month on my body, mind, and spirit makeover! 

The first month was definitely not without it's challenges, but I powered through it. And yes, I did have some bad days in there, but I didn't let those days get me down or discourage me. 

And you can't either!!

If you fall, you simply, "count it all joy" and get right back up!!!

So how did my first month go...I know you are dying to know...so I'll get on with it!!!

Body

When I first started this journey, I really didn't want to set any goals for the first month, because in the past, if I failed at something, I would give up. But after week one, I was down 3 pounds! To a lot of people, that may not sound like much, but for me, it was pure motivation. It was like something awakened in me, and I suddenly knew I could do this!!! So I increased my workouts and after week two, I had lost another 5 pounds! So I was now at a total of 8 pounds!!! 

Now you would think I had lost 20 pounds, because with my 8 pounds, you couldn't tell me anything!!! LOL! 

But by the middle of week three, that familiar feeling started to creep in. The feeling of pain and discomfort and depression. I began to get tired and fatigued. During this time, I also had an incident at the movies where I had to be rushed to the hospital. I think after that, my mood began to change. So week 3 was not so successful. 

By week four, I began to get more aware of the fact, that I had a doc appointment coming up and I wanted to prove to myself that I could put up a big number for the month. After week 2, I had set a goal of 16 pounds for the month. So I knew I had to get busy and "snap" out of my funk and get back on track. 

So on April 18, I went in for blood work and a weigh in! 

Boy was I nervous!

One thing I do when I go to the doctor is I wear the exact same thing every time (my doctor probably thinks I have no other clothes...tee hee hee)! I'm not saying you have to do this, but I do it because I feel like there will be no variations...just the weight! So after stepping on the scale, the nurse began to move the little slider...all I could think was...just don't let me have gained! Finally he rested on a number and after doing the math....I had lost 13 pounds!!!!!!!

Notice all the exclamation points....that's how happy I was!!!! 

Was I a little disappointed that I hadn't reached my goal...a little...but my hubby (my support) reminded me, of all my hard work and I was now 13 pounds lighter!! My hubby is the best!!! LOL!

So here I am, 13 pounds lighter, and I couldn't be happier! Yes, I still have a long way to go, but my weigh in just tells me that I can do it, and guess what....YOU CAN TOO!!!

Mind & Spirit

When I first started my blog, I informed everyone of some of my past struggles. Well all I can say is when you embark on a journey to overhaul your mind and spirit, the enemy really does go to work!! 

Serious battlefield of the mind!!! 

For me, the hardest lesson I am learning, is how to be joyful in the midst of pain and suffering. 

I read, "We are to consider what we are going through as a matter of joy, not because the thing itself is something that is pleasurable, but because tribulation works patience within us." So there is at least one good thing happening to us in the midst of pain and suffering! :)

I have learned in this month, that God has purpose, and that purpose is always good. We are able to count all things joy because we know God is working in all situations, even the most painful or stressful, for our sanctification and ultimate glorification. 

We have to look towards the future in order to take earthly afflictions and count them joyous. Sometimes as Christians, our hope is ridiculed in our day. The lost will sometimes mock those whose lives are characterized by hope. But we have to be able to look to our future, Heaven, to find joy that can soothe our troubles when our lives are filled with sorrow, grief and depression. We must base our joy on looking towards our inheritance that we will receive when we get to Heaven. I don't know about you, but keeping that in mind definitely makes me smile! 

But let's face it, sometimes it is hard to keep our focus on the future. We have to remember that our trials are only temporary.  I do forget sometimes for sure! It's so easy to be consumed by fear of the unknown, but we must remember to hold onto hope. What is hope? 

God is hope! 

To be able to count it all joy, we MUST trust God! We MUST trust in His plan for our lives. 

It has been a trying first month, but through perseverance and building new habits, I conquered it!!! 

My faith has grown so much in this first month! 

On March 1, 2014, my husband and I began a 40 day prayer with another couple. The objective was to pray together everyday for 40 days straight. I believe it was that closeness with not just my husband, but with God that I was able to endure the obstacles in the first month. Since it ended, my prayer life has increased, my relationship with Christ has grown leaps and bounds, and the Holy Spirit has shown me so much! My spiritual language has grown and I now feel in my mind, my body, and my spirit, that I can face any obstacle the enemy is going to try and throw at me and I CAN be victorious!!!

So that take that devil!!!! YOU LOSE!!!!

So going into this second month, I take with me a new found faith. A faith that I have never experienced before. A faith that tells me that whatever happens, I am NOT alone! I am encouraged. I am blessed. I am more than conqueror!

I look forward to all of the milestones I will reach this month. I look forward to my relationship with Christ growing even more! I look forward to all that God is going to do in my life and in all of your lives as well! I look forward to sharing my growth and experiences with you all!

I will be praying for success. 

When it gets tough, just remember, count it all joy, and keep pushing forward, because, this too shall pass!

Until next week, be blessed!

PS: I will be adding another page soon, where I will be posting my progression photos. So be sure to check back for that page! Also remember to submit your email address above to be notified of new blog posts!

Habits Habits Habits!!!

What has been the hardest part of my journey (and probably for a lot of other people too)?

It's not just the exercising or the eating right....but what I have found is the biggest hurdle when it comes to exercising and eating right is developing the HABIT of exercising and eating right!

So do I slip up....YES!!!

Will you slip up sometimes...YES!!!

But can you get back on track...ABSOLUTELY YES!!!

So what's the best way to handle this issue?

It is said that it takes twenty-one days to form a habit, but how can you stick to your task during those twenty-one days?

The answer is actually a lot easier than you think!

I have found that habit forming can be achieved by sticking to 3 easy little tips...reminder, routine, and reward.

Reminder

The reminder is the most important step. The reminder is the kick start to get your habit formed!
For me personally, with a house full of girls plus a husband, it's so easy to get caught up in the day to day things like cooking, cleaning, laundering, that I sometimes will get in bed, and realize I didn't work out today!!!!

So how did I remedy the situation?

I schedule in my workouts. Until working out becomes a part of my everyday life, my calendar everyday has my PumpUp workouts scheduled. So everyday around five PM, my phone begins to lose its mind!! Because I get so busy and caught up in things, I have it set to go off several times, until I finally actually log the work out in my Nexercise.

By scheduling my workouts, it really helps me to stay on track!

Another way to be reminded of my workouts is by having an accountability partner. One of my best friends has been sort of designated as my "drill sergeant"! Everyday, she sends me a text or Facebook message checking in to make sure that I have done my workout for the day. This helps me a bunch, because I hate to let people down. So when I put it out there that I am on a journey, it helps that others know, because they then become motivation for me in a sense to keep at it!

Routine

Getting in the routine of your new lifestyle, is going to be the hardest. The routine is the actual habit! When I first decided that I wanted to grow closer to God, the first thing I had to do was remind myself through a prayer app, and after a few weeks, it became a routine. I get up in the morning, make sure everyone is off to school and while my 2 year old is still asleep, I have my Bible study time and my prayer time. That has become my morning routine. Now there are times when "life" happens and I get thrown off, but because my prayer and study time is now a habit, I sort of just fit it in later in the day.

I'm learning with my workouts to do the same. Since I have my workouts scheduled a certain time a day, after some time it will become a routine. There are days when I'm busy already and can't quite get it in at the scheduled time, but that's okay, like my prayer time, I find time later.

I'm learning when you have a house full of kids, a husband, getting in the habit of a routine is super beneficial and can definitely make life a little bit easier.

Reward

The reward is the benefit you gain by doing the habit. If you set yourself a positive reward, then you will eventually gain the desire to complete your task, whatever it may be, at the scheduled time.

You can set a long term reward for reaching a goal or a short term reward by reaching a goal daily, weekly, or monthly.

Forming a habit isn't always going to be easy, but don't condemn yourself if and when you mess up. The key to success, is picking yourself up and continuing and not giving up! PERSEVERE (remember)!!

In my next blog, I will talk more about the changes I have made in my life thus far and my success and failures in this first month! (I can't believe it's almost been a month!)

I urge you to continue on your journey, and continue to form good habits both physically and spiritually.

Remember prayer changes things, when it gets tough, turn to God, He can get you back on track!

Until next week....be blessed!!

:)

Perseverance

What's that saying, "every set-back is a set-up for a come back."

Well on this journey so far there has already been some set-backs.

However, perseverance is important to growing in our faith. God wants His people to persevere no matter what we go through. We have to learn to overcome obstacles, difficulties, trials, and tribulation, so we can experience victory in Christ!!
  

The Bible tells us, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12)

With every journey, you will encounter a few set-backs, and when you are on a spiritual journey, the enemy is going to come at you from every direction to set you up for a set-back and prevent your come-back! But if we hold on to God's unchanging hand...we can in fact persevere and win the war!!!

Remember the song, The Joy of Lord? Think of the words to that song,

The joy of the Lord is my strength

The joy of the Lord is my strength

The joy of the Lord is my strength

Oh the joy of the Lord is my strength.

There are two other verses to that song, that go:

He gives me living water and I thirst no more

He gives me living water and I thirst no more

He gives me living water and i thirst no more

Oh the joy of the Lord is my strength.

He fills my mouth with laughter, ha ha ha ha ha

He fills my mouth with laughter, ha ha ha ha ha

He fills my mouth with laughter, ha ha ha ha ha

Oh the joy of the Lord is my strength.

When I truly listen to those words, it really does give me joy! Just knowing that no matter what I am going through, God is there. That I have strength to continue to fight, to move forward. When I am feeling down, He gives me laughter, He quenches my thirst! And guess what, if you are a child of God...you can too!!!! How awesome is that!!!

This journey is hard, and in the two short weeks I have been on this "body makeover," the enemy has already thrown some roadblocks at me. However, god has already shown me that I will win!!! He has given us power and authority over the devil and all of his demons!

"Behold, I give you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you."

(Luke 10:19)

But that does not mean that slick devil won't try!

Last week, really started pretty good. I was feeling more like myself. I saw my nutritionist on Thursday, and I learned I lost 5 more pounds! I was at a total of 8 pounds in 2 weeks and I was so happy! 

I was feeling so great, that months earlier I had promised my 10 yr old that we could have a mommy/daughter date soon, so I asked her if she would like to go on Sunday afternoon! 

I had a very busy weekend planned, I was looking forward to enjoying nice weather with my family and friends!

Saturday, we were all set to attend a mother/daughter fellowship that a friend was having, and then spend the rest of the day at the park with the little one and her friend. However, when I woke up, I was not feeling so great. I soon realized I wasn't going to make it to the fellowship, because I just couldn't really get moving, so I figured, why not go ahead and take my daughter to the movies and a late lunch after. And spend Sunday afternoon at the park with the family. 

As I was leaving, I knew I wasn't feeling the best, but I would only be sitting in a theater so I would be fine and I didn't want to disappoint my daughter. So off we go to see Divergent!

I really enjoyed our car time, and at no point did I feel to sick or anything!

As we get out of the car and walk towards the theater, I began to get a little dizzy. I didn't think much of it, I thought maybe it was just the popcorn smell that overwhelmed as we walked inside. 

Now let me break here and tell you just how the enemy will work to destroy you. Last week at my doctor's appointment, my doctor recommended that I come in for a stress test. She said I should because I had mentioned to her that I get short of breath and dizzy after walking unassisted at the grocery store sometimes. Now at times I do get a little dizzy when walking, but because I have lived with a spirit of fear my entire life, what I heard was basically, "You should come in for a stress test, because your heart probably isn't working right." Now after this appointment, God had already spoken to me that I would be victorious in this journey and that no matter what I faced He was going to see me through it and my testimony would inspire others. But you see the enemy doesn't want us to succeed, he doesn't want me to succeed! So he came in and he preyed on the fact that my faith was wavering. You see, I trust God, I trusted God when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer last month and when she went in to see her surgeon for a double mastectomy they could find no sign of cancer. I trusted God to bless my husband with a promotion on his job, and he was promoted last year. But my issue is...why don't I trust God to heal me, to be there for me? Why do I see myself as unworthy of God's blessings and healing?  Well, I promise I am praying on that, and I am asking to see myself through God's eyes. However, the enemy will use whatever little weakness you have to pounce, and that's exactly what he did!

So back to my story...

As we walk inside, the thought creeps into my head is, "See there is something wrong with your heart, you got dizzy that quick." Now I am learning when these thoughts enter, you CANNOT give life to them! You must immediately rebuke the enemy and praise God!! 

I admit, this time, I ran with the fear. As we got our tickets and headed to the concession so my daughter could get popcorn, I began to get light headed and very dizzy. I asked her to hold my hand and kind of help me walk. When we got into the theater, it got so bad, I felt my legs buckle from under me and I had to crawl to my seat. Not wanting to scare my daughter I sat in silence praying, but as I was praying I wasn't completely trusting for a healing, I was more focused on the fear. I started to feel my body go limp. I sent a text to my husband to come to the theater, because I knew I would not be able to walk let alone drive. I didn't want to ruin our day, but when I felt my left side go completely numb, I sent another text telling my husband to hurry and call an ambulance. By this time my heart was racing, I could barely speak and the room was spinning. So, needless to say the ambulance came in and they had to stop the movie and rush me to the hospital. 

My husband immediately called our prayer partners, my dad, and any and all our prayer warriors!

After several blood tests and a CT scan and EKG, the doctors found nothing wrong! They could not tell me what happened!

Normally, hearing this news would make any person feel relief, well the enemy tried to make me feel fear! He wanted me to believe that because they couldn't find anything doesn't mean that all is well. Isn't he a master deceiver??!!! But I say...NOT THIS TIME DEVIL!!!! He may have tried to destroy me, but I am choosing Christ! I choose to trust God, and that he came in and He reversed everything that I had allowed the enemy to make me believe!

So you see, with any journey, there are bound to be some bumpy roads, but it's how we approach them and what we learn from them that truly matters. We don't give up and turn around. How else will we ever make it to our destination?! We persevere...we call on the strength that God has placed in each of us and we continue on!!

The next time the enemy is trying to discourage you from your goal, whatever it may be, remember what the Word tells us,

Be blessed!!