"Who gon' check me boo?!"

I must say, it feels so nice to be writing again! It has been almost a month, and I am truly sorry to my regular readers! I have actually been I guess you can say, "out of commission" so to speak!

But I am so happy to be feeling good and I am back at it!!!!! This past month has actually been a growing experience that was definitely needed!

So here is the question, how many of you have ever been "checked"? Probably a good number of you!

Now, how many of you have ever been "checked" by God?!

Well, let me tell you, being checked by God feels quite different than being checked by some regular person!!!

This past month has been a HUGE struggle for me, both spiritually and physically. If you are a regular reader, you know how hard this journey has been. The ups and the downs has certainly taken it's toll on me at times.

After my 3 year old's birthday party at the end of April, I began to feel sick. On April 28th, I was once again in the ER. I was having severe abdominal pain and was a little dehydrated. I was given fluids and some pain medicine and sent on my way. Over the next few weeks, the pain gradually got worse, and I was unable to eat solid foods. Everything I ate came back. I soon was only eating mashed potatoes and apple juice. It was the only food I could tolerate. I was basically eating only once a day. The pain was unbearable! The only way I can describe it, is it was a feeling of feeling full ALL THE TIME!!!!

However, I recognized this feeling. Eight years ago, I was diagnosed with having Gastroparesis, or "lazy stomach". What that means is, my stomach does not contract as it should. So when I eat, the food sits in the stomach and it eventually rots. And rather than pushing it into the intestines for digestion, it sits along with acid and bile. The more I eat, the more it fills up. And what happens when something is filled to the brim...well it overflows!!! So began the constant vomiting and pain!! So needless to say, I was miserable!!!!!!

Worrying is pointless. God's got this!

In the past, I was treated with a drug called, Reglan (or Metoclopramide). Unfortunately, this particular drug is a "black box" drug, meaning it comes with permanent side effects. After taking this drug in the past, it increased my prolactin levels causing a tumor on my pituitary gland that I still live with today. So the next step, after over a month, I finally was able to get in to see my GI doctor. He scheduled an endoscopy. After a few days, he confirmed that my gastroparesis had come out of remission due to giving birth to my second child. Unfortunately, it had also caused some ulcers and chronic Gastritis and Esophagitis. He informed us that he didn't feel that going back on the Reglan would be a good idea, so he wanted to try another drug. This drug is only available in Mexico and Canada and is not approved in the United States, but works well, and had minimal side effects. So my husband and I searched the internet and finally found a pharmacy that carried the drug. Unfortunately, they required a signed document from the prescribing doctor stating my need for the drug. So we send the doctor the form only to find out he is on vacation for a week!!! I was beside myself, because in addition to the severe pain I was in daily, I was at the point where I could no longer hold down mashed potatoes and my blood sugars were high because of the slow rate of digestion. So for days as I was going through the pain and vomiting, all I could say, was, "I can't wait to get my medicine so I can feel better." I would cry everyday, because of the pain and no one could understand what I was going through! I had given up!

BUT GOD!!!!!!
Don't you just love those "But God" moments in life!?

You see the entire time I was sick, I was not praying daily as I had always done. I had come to believe the lies of the enemy. This was my life. I was gonna remain sick and just accept it. I was losing weight so fast and I began to worry about my health due to all the vomiting. When the doctor told me about the medicine in Canada, it became my focus! All I could think about was I want this drug...I NEED this drug!!!! So one day I was talking to my mom, and I was crying, because I was just in pain and frustrated. She said to me, "Audry, why are you stressing about this medicine. You need to be trusting in God for your healing." I heard her, but between her and my husband telling me to trust God for healing, I just couldn't bare to hear that anymore. I had given up on me being healed. I had forgotten the promises He had made to me.

Two days later, I was sitting in my regular spot on my couch with my girls watching TV, and my phone rang. It was my doctor. I was so happy to hear his voice, my first thought was I am finally getting my medicine! At this point, I hadn't eaten in a day and a half, and I was feeling so weak. I was ready for some relief! He began to go over what his nurse had already told me about my condition. Then he dropped a bombshell! Unfortunately, the new drug that I had been waiting to "cure" me for the last two weeks was no longer an option for me! This new drug (Domperidone) raises prolactin levels and because of my pituitary issue, it would not be safe for me to take. I tried to maintain my composure, because clearly this was NOT the news I was wanting to hear! I began to ask him questions about what I could do. I told him I could not keep anything down. How was I supposed to live, if I couldn't eat. My blood sugars were out of control which is a danger in itself! He offered me no suggestions besides an experimental procedure that was only done outside of the U.S.!!! Are you kidding me!?! I'm not made of money!!!! Needless to say, we got off the phone with him saying he will reach out to his colleagues to see if any specialized in my condition and had any suggestions. Big help!!! I hung up and I immediately burst into tears! My girls surrounded me to comfort me and tell me it was gonna be okay. My older daughter told me, "It's OK Mommy, remember, "By His stripes we are healed" and you are gonna be." I told her thanks, but I continued to cry hysterically. I was hoping for this medication, it was all I could think about for the past few weeks, and now I can't have it! I called my husband, and told him the situation. He tried to comfort me, but I was inconsolable. My husband placed me on hold and while on hold, a voice spoke to me. Now I don't know if you have ever heard the voice of God...but this was like a jerk...almost as if someone grabbed me and shook me!!!

Then I heard, "Audry, why do you continue to put your faith and trust in medicine and man? Man will always fail you, but do you not know, I NEVER will? Focus on Me..trust in Me!"

Man, talk about being "checked"!

Immediately the tears just stopped! I was done with the worrying! Done with the doubt!

I began to pray and thank God!

I told my husband and my girls what God had spoken to me and that from that point on, I would no longer be a "victim". I am going to no longer put my trust in man and medicine, but I was going to trust in Him for my healing. Man had failed me, but my God will not!!!

That night, I ate a very small amount of chicken and potatoes and it stayed down!!!! The next day I began to eat a little more and no vomiting!!!! For three days I was able to eat very small with no problems!! On day four, I had a set back. My parents had come into town and the night before, I ate a little later than usual because we were grilling for the following day. So that Sunday, was a tough day. I began to get a little discouraged and succumb to the feelings of nausea and vomiting. But God had sent a little reminder in the form of my sister's mother-in-law that I was already healed! We had an AWESOME prayer time, and I was again enveloped in the presence of God and I felt His overwhelming feeling of love for me!! From that point on, I have been gradually eating more and slowly regaining my strength. I do have bad days at times, but I simply just turn to God and keep pressing forward!

We are always going to face hard times in life. Sometimes, you may even feel alone or want to give up, but that's when you pray harder and get in your word more. Don't give up on God, because trust me He will NEVER give up on us!

So no matter how hard it gets, keep keeping on and trusting and believing in God for whatever it is you are asking for! He loves you and He wants us to be happy and full of joy, it's up to us if we accept it!!!

I am so thankful that God came in "checked" me that day! The enemy is always busy, and he wants to do whatever he can do to distract me from my purpose that God has set before me. But today I declare he WILL NOT WIN!!!!

Until next week, be blessed!!!!